Forgive and Forget
by colette anne
Summary: Izzie Stevens returns to Seattle Grace/Mercy West, along with her cancer. Can Alex finally forgive her and help her through treatment, even after how she left? My 1st fanfic, please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Forgive and Forget

"Check her I.D., look in her purse!" An old woman yelled in her ear as she rifled through the bright purple coach that was now on the ground.

"When did we call the ambulance?" A young woman, most likely, said. " Their taking forever!"

"I think she's waking up!" A blurry young man said. Izzie's vision suddenly came into prospective. There were many people standing around her, and she was on the floor. _The floor?_ _Damn_. She had been shopping. Izzie tried to sit up.

"Whoa, what?" She mumbled, dizzily. She saw paramedics coming through the door with a gurney. _Crap, not again!_

"Honey, lay down, your gonna pass out again!" The old woman kept her down until the paramedics came over. Too weak to fight them, Izzie let the EMT's get her on the gurney.

"Ma'am, you collapsed, but we're going to take you to the hospital." They had her in the ambulance when she regained full consciousness. _Grocery shopping? Seriously! _This had been what, the third time this month, that she had passed out?

"I'm fine now so could you um, drive me home?" Izzie pleaded. She knew that wasn't how it worked, but it was worth a try. "Did you know that I'm a surgeon?" she tried.

"Ma'am, can you tell me your name?" The EMT ignored her.

"DR. Isobel Stevens, please I'm fine!" The stress of being in the ambulance was too much. Then it hit her, _It's back. IT. _She swallowed hard at the thought. But Izzie didn't want to think about _IT. _She looked out the ambulance window to see that they were passing Tacoma General Hospital. She asked "Um, where are we going, exactly?"

Probably the state hospital. Only 20 minutes away. "I think Seattle Grace/Mercy West. It's a ride, but Wash. State is rerouting all ambulances there."

"What about Tacoma? Their good there, and um, I have some, uh, family there! Yeah, lots of family!" Izzie was a terrible liar, but she absolutely couldn't go back to Seattle!

"No, no, um, Isobel, your best bet is Seattle. If you want, I can notify your family, though." They young EMT was very compassionate, but Izzie didn't want compassion, she wanted a transfer!

"Uh, okay." Izzie said defeated.

"Now, judging by your memory and ability to hold a conversation, I'm thinking you don't have a stroke. Now, do you have any pre-existing conditions?" The EMT was charting.

"Umm, metostatic melanoma, but I'm in remission." She casually replied.

"Really? Any mets in the brain, by any chance?" He asked seriously.

"Yes, but I haven't had any hallucinations recently, and that was my only symptom." Izzie wanted make sure she didn't freak out before testing. _Who would be there, Meredith, Bailey, Alex?_

The long ride seemed much longer with the EMT testing her on her medical history, probably just trying to keep her conscious. After a seemingly endless drive, they had just pulled into the Seattle Grace/Mercy West ambulance bay and the young EMT's had began to present.

"30 year old Isobel Stevens, collapsed while shopping, no evidence of dehydration or stroke, not the first occasion." They wheeled her over and Izzie immediately saw the panicked face of Meredith Grey.

"Izzie? Izzie! What the hell?" She was puzzled and pissed._ Great. _

"Mer, it's okay!" Izzie turned over to the paramedic. " Can we just do a CT or something at Wash. State!" She pleaded.

"Isobel, we're here, Dr. Grey will take good care of you!" He stated, handing off her chart to Meredith. She nodded and pushed her gurney into vacant trauma room and let Izzie sit up.

"Passing out in grocery stores! And hospitalizations for seizures! Izzie, you know you could have come here!" Meredith sympathized for her friend. She was adamant that she left but felt bad that Izzie was too scared to even call! Her friend started crying at her words.

"I know! I'm sorry! I just, just didn't want you guys to hate me! A.. Alex told me not…not to come back!" she sobbed. Outside the trauma room, Bailey walked by and saw Meredith leaning over to hug someone. At that, Bailey walked in.

"Grey, we don't hug patients! Izzie? What happened?" Bailey leaned over to sit with them.

"Okay, Meredith, you have other patients, and keep this quiet! I'm going to CT, clear the way." Bailey ordered. She was getting to the bottom of this. Meredith rushed out of the room, looking rather down.

"Ok Stevens, we're gonna talk, you're gonna give me answers, and I'm gonna find out what's wrong with you."

"Bailey, it's complicated, I, can I just get transferred? It'll be easier." Izzie sniffed, still recovering from Meredith's digs.

"NO, I will not get you transferred. Now, let's start with where you were!" Bailey said as they left the trauma room and went to CT.

"Okay, well I'll start with the night I left. All I knew was that Alex had said he wanted nothing to do with me, and I couldn't deal with him. I was a mess, so I got my stuff and left him a note. I didn't know where to go, and my mom would make everything worse, so I ended up in a crappy Chehalis hotel."

"After being there about a month, I was lonely, I missed Alex. So while I was job hunting one day…" Bailey cut her off

"Job hunting! Izzie, Derek was talking about hiring you back!" she said annoyed. Then, under her breath, she added, "what is wrong with that man, firing my residents, just because of one day…"

"Wait did you say Derek was hiring? And not the point, I needed some kind of money!. But like I was saying, I was just driving when I had my first seizure. I was on a side street and hit a tree, and some nice guy called 911 and waited with me. I only had a cut or two, no stitches, but they wanted to take my to the hospital. I said I was just running to CVS to get Tylenol, and that it must have been febrile."

"Izzie! That is ridiculous! Okay, now I'm convinced you have a brain tumor. Okay, hop up on table, I'm gonna start the scan, keep going with your story" Bailey said. They were at CT now, and Izzie wanted nothing more but to know how bad the cancer had spread.

"Okay, um at the, oh yeah the ambulance! Okay well they insisted on getting me to the hospital to make sure it didn't happen again. So we went and they got me on fluids, but when I had to be discharged, no driving. They called my mother and I had to go stay with her." Izzie made a disgusted face.

" So after the no driving thing was lifted, I decided to go to Seattle again. I knew the cancer was back, but I needed to be here to get the chemo. I wasn't going to sit alone at the state hospital listening to the latest psychic's predictions. I made it to about Lakewood, and then I had another seizure." Knowing Bailey was freaking out, Izzie clarified.

" I wasn't driving, I had stopped at 7/11 or Store 24. I used my same excuse, and hoped that the owner wouldn't call an ambulance. He didn't, but made me get a ride home. I told the to take me to the trailer, so I could tell my mother, but a week later, she passed away." Izzie started crying.

"Oh, Izzie, I'm sorry. Hold on, the scans are done, I'll come get you." Bailey rushed into the CT room and hugged Izzie. 'I'm so sorry!"

"No, no, it's okay, I'm ok," she said, wiping away her tears. "I had to deal with selling the trailer and the whole funeral, so that took my mind off everything. Then today I went food shopping and now I'm here!" she cried, hopping back into the wheelchair.

"Okay, okay, well I'll get the results for CT and me and Dr. Shepherd will make some kind of plans with Dr. Swender." Bailey said, pushing her back up to her room. "Izzie, Meredith knows you're here already, and rumors start, are you sure you don't want me to page someone? Karev, Yang, Grey?"

"I'd rather wait until the results come back, ok? I don't want to bother Alex if I don't have to." Izzie said. She knew, deep down, that she would probably end up bothering Alex.

~`0oo0'~

Down in the cafeteria, Meredith, Cristina, and Alex were eating together. It was just them now, after George died and Izzie left. The Mercy West people had their own table, and the attendings all sat together. Everyone stayed with their people.

"So then after Teddy rerouted the blood flow, I closed up and the guy lived!" Cristina was going on and on about some guy who's aorta ruptured in post-op and they got him to the OR in time. Meredith decided to say nothing about Izzie until she checked on her later, and hoped nobody would notice her presence.

" Okay, well today, I lost 3 kids. I hate peds! It's so depressing. Plus, I've had the weirdest feeling all day." Alex said. _Oh god_, Meredith thought. She had to hold off.

"Really? Like what?" Meredith said, in a high pitched, rushed voice. She was a terrible liar.

"I don't know, like something bad is gonna happen, and since when do we discuss feelings?" Alex asked, crunching on his sandwich. He had been eating hospital food, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, since Izzie wasn't there to cook for him.

"Yeah, is being all happy, McMarried making you bright and shiny?" Cristina asked, sipping her coffee.

"No, no, I'm fine. Fine." she said, avoiding their stares. She picked through her salad, but never bringing the fork to her mouth. If she didn't look them in the eye, maybe she could keep Izzie's secret.

"Crap. Another kid. I gotta go." Alex pushed in his chair and jogged to the peds unit. Meredith and Cristina sat in silence.

"Fine? Seriously?" Cristina said. Fine was a word they both knew meant all too well.

"Okay, I'll talk to you later, I think Derek wanted me to meet him in his office to discuss, um, our house!" Meredith grabbed her salad and sprinted off. Cristina was about to chase after her, but she just sighed and took another sip of her coffee.

~'0oo0`~

Izzie sat alone in her bed. She had nothing with her but the clothes on her back and her pocket book. No friends, no family, no Alex. The silence was eating her alive, so she took out her Ipod and listened to some music. After a while, Bailey, Shepherd, and Dr. Swender walked into her room, looking grim.

"Iz, I mean Dr. Stevens, it's nice to see you again." Derek said with a sad smile.

"Thank you, Dr. Shepherd. So what's the prognosis." Izzie asked. When the room stayed silent, she said " It's okay, you can tell me, I'll find out eventually."

Dr Swender spoke up, "Izzie, your cancer is back. As far as we can tell, you do have very few mets to your brain, but I want to do a PET scan to see if any other mets are there. Most likely, there will be more."

Bailey came over and held Izzie's hand. Instead of crying or looking devastated though, Izzie looked fine, like Dr. Swender hadn't said anything at all. "Okay, Dr. Shepherd, when will we operate then?" she asked.

"We decided that the best way to go about this would be to see how far the cancer has spread and then decide the course of treatment." He said. Derek looked somewhat annoyed by the decision, giving Dr. Swender an evil look.

"Well, lets get you that scan. Is there anyone you can call, you might be here for an while and you need someone to dive you home after surgery, if that's the path we're going down. " Dr. Swender said, pushing Bailey the wheelchair.

"Um, I guess you can page Meredith." she said, looking at Derek. "She saw me earlier, and I made her swear not to tell anyone else I was here."

"Okay, I'll get her now." Derek smiled his "McDreamy" smile and left to go get her.

"Well, these scans wont do themselves, lets go." Bailey said, sighing, and Izzie hopped in the wheelchair.

~'0oo0`~

Meredith sat in the on call room, with the door locked. _I can't go on like this. I need to tell someone. Izzie could die. _Her thoughts circulated in her mind until she got a text from Derek.

**where are you? **it read. She replied telling him she was in the on call room, careful not to misspell anything. 5 minutes later, she heard a knock on the door.

"Meredith? It's me, open up." Derek called from outside. Getting up, Meredith unlocked the door and let Derek in.

"Um, how's your day?" she said quickly.

"Izzie wants you." Derek said gravely.

"Wait! You know about Izzie?! Who else knows? Cristina? What about Alex!" She rattled off names nervously.

"No just you. She's in PET scan now, but she wanted you to stay with her. There already a few mets in her brain, we're checking for more now." Derek announced as if Meredith was a family member.

"Okay… how is she?" She said a little slower.

"She's definitely hiding however she's feeling."

"Oh, yeah, I guess I would too," Meredith said "I guess I'll go look for her in radiology." and she went off.

After a long walk, Meredith approached the radiology department. Only one room was being used for a PET scan. _Izzie. _She walked down the hallway and into the observation booth outside the scan room.

"Grey, you're here. We're almost done. You didn't say anything…" Bailey asked but Meredith cut her off.

"No, I didn't tell anyone. It's just me ,you and, Derek."

"And Swender. She is dead set against surgery. She thinks the IL2 will work better." Bailey said skeptically.

"Great. We probably wont change her mind either." Meredith said, annoyed.

"Izzie we're all done, and Meredith is here, too" Bailey said into the speaker.

"Ok great." Izzie replied, sounding like herself. Before Bailey went to get Izzie, she said to Meredith,

"Not too many questions, we've been through that, okay?" Meredith nodded yes. Bailey came out of the scan room with Izzie moments later.

"Meredith! Listen, I… about earlier, I just thought… I thought you'd go straight to Alex…" Izzie started to tear up.

Meredith noticed her and said, "Izzie, no, no, we don't hate you! I don't hate you!"

"Really?" Izzie asked, wiping her eyes.

"Really. Now, let's let Bailey read the scans, we can go back to your room and I can tell you everything that happened." Mer said. At that, they set off for the elevators.

~'0oo0`~

"Alright so Mark and Teddy are together after he broke up with Lexie, so who's Lexie with?" Bailey had given Meredith the day off so she could stay with Izzie. At first, Izzie seemed really tense and nervous, so Meredith had decided to start some small talk about all the couples.

"Um nobody, she's single now. Yeah, she's been so devastated over Mark." Izzie wasn't ready to know the identity of Alex's new mistress yet, he could tell her.

"Oh, okay then. So how are Owen and Cristina?" Izzie dropped right into the next couple. She had been exceedingly low on gossip, and all of this at once left her starving for more.

"Not so good. So Owen is in therapy I guess and Cristina thinks the whole world is fine now!" Meredith said, annoyed.

"And it's not okay." Izzie repeated, sensing Meredith discomfort about the situation. "So about that thing where he yelled at her in the OR, she was fine!?"

"Well, she told me they had a "talk" and now stuff is okay!"

"Yeah, well as long as he doesn't choke her again, God, I would have left the first time!" Izzie gasped, repulsed.

"I guess Cristina has a compassionate side!" Meredith giggled.

"Okay who else is there, oh yeah! I want more info on this anesthesiologist Bailey is seeing!"

"Oh yeah, his name is Ben, not bad looking, I mean for her age and stuff, and I heard they went on a date, but I don't know if their together anymore."

"Hmm, well I hope he turns out okay, and oh yeah, the baby thing with Callie and Arizona?"

" Well, Arizona still wants nothing to do with kids, and Callie wants them, bad. I don't think this is gonna end good."

"Too bad. I mean still after Sloan had the baby, and all that, still?"

"Yeah I know, and oh did I mention April?'

"No why? Wait she's the one with the notebook, right?"

"Oh, you didn't hear. Okay, so the chief fired her. Then, Derek called her, Megan the intern, and tried to call you back, to hire them again. So now she's ALL OVER Derek! It's so creepy!"

Izzie started to laugh, " So a crush or McCrazy?"

"Oh I think she's a little more than McCrazy." The two giggled for a few minutes, then Bailey and Dr. Swender walked in with the scans, both looking expressionless.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi everyonee!! Sorry for the wait, and that this is a slightly shorter chapter :( I had a mini - writers block. Enjoy~**

"So if you look at the scans," Dr. Swender posted the scans up against the light board, "There are only a few mets on your liver and small bowel. I think we can probably use the IL2 treatment, and if that doesn't work, Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Bailey could operate. But they will probably have to go in and clean up after chemo anyways."

"But, Dr. Bailey and I think that we should try surgery first." Derek contradicted Dr. Swender from the other side of the room.

"The decision is up to you, Iz, don't do anything your uncomfortable with." Meredith said, gripping her hand.

"Um, I'm sorry, this is a lot of information for one day, could I take a little while? To you know, decide?" Izzie spoke up. _Wow. How long have I been putting this off for? _

"Sure, we'll come back in a little bit." Bailey patted her on the shoulder and left.

"Meredith, what am I gonna do!" Izzie exclaimed after the group left. "I mean, with money! I've been sending Alex the payments…"

"About Alex. He's still really crushed. I mean _really _crushed. Izzie, I don't know if he'll give you the time to explain what's going on." Meredith had seen first hand at how devastated Alex was after the first time after she left. Everyone knows that Alex rarely cries. And then he started sleeping with Lexie, and still wasn't himself. Izzie had really taken so much from him.

" Uhhh! Meredith! I can't deal with this! Do you get that? I CAN"T deal with this! I don't want to bother Alex! I want him to be okay and not have to deal with me! I don't want to get him in severe debt! I want to deal with this myself! So give me a freaking minute to try to think this out!" Izzie grabbed her hair and sighed.

"Izzie?"

"Yeah?"

" I'm gonna call Alex. I'll talk to him, I won't tell him anything. I just want to see where you guys stand, okay?"

"Meredith, come on, please don't do this. Just let me handle it."

"No Izzie, you won't handle it. You'll wait until the last minute. He'll see you someday. And he'll be beyond pissed that you didn't say anything. Believe me, it will be better if you say something now!"

"Mer…"

"No, I'm going home to talk. I'll come back to see you later." Meredith strode out the door, closing it behind her.

"Meredith! Wait!" Izzie called after her.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry for snapping at you. I'm just kinda…"

"Stressed? Yeah, it's okay. Do you want me to call Cristina? She could come sit with you."

"No, I'm fine. Remember, don't say anything!"

"Okay, suit yourself." Meredith walked out the door, leaving Izzie alone to think.

~'0oo0`~

Meredith walked out of the sliding doors of the hospital. The warm May air brushed against her face as she strode out the entrance. About halfway down the path, she felt someone grip her arm roughly.

"Hey, what's the big idea!" she yelled, twisting her arm around, loosening the grip of Cristina.

"Where have you been all day? First you were all weird at lunch and then you ditch?" Cristina's angry expression stayed on her face.

"No I didn't ditch, I'm kinda busy, and I said I'd call you later!"

"And you said you were fine. Whatever, Meredith, go do whatever." Cristina said as she stormed back into the hospital.

"Cristina!" Meredith tried to yell, but she was gone. As much as she wanted to find out why Cristina was so pissed, Meredith has to talk to Alex for Izzie. At that, she strode to her car.

The short drive home seemed a little longer this time, while she played her speech over in her head. Whatever she was going to saw, she wasn't planning on sugar coating the situation like Izzie asked. She had to be serious. Alex needed to be serious.

As she pulled into the driveway, the sick feeling in Meredith's stomach intensified. Alex could be understanding, right? The door swung open easily, and Meredith heard what sounded like someone walking around upstairs. She walked upstairs to find Lexie in the bathroom, wearing only a towel.

"Meredith! Damn, it's 5, isn't it!"

"Actually, 6:30, but whatever. You're um taking a shower?" Meredith said, her voice heavy with sarcasm.

"Mhmm. Yeah, I'm going out later." Lexie tried to look casual, but just then, Alex came out of the bathroom, also wearing a towel.

"Hey, you want to try the downstairs bathroom… Oh hey Mer."

"Hi Alex. Do you mind if I um, interrupt? We kind of have to talk."

"Sure, um I'll just go get dressed." Alex and Lexie walked in separate directions to their rooms, and Meredith went downstairs and grabbed a sprite from the fridge.

_He's with Lexie. So I'm supposed to ruin my little sister's relationship for my friend? Izzie was with him first. _Meredith heard Alex jogging down the stairs. He also grabbed a coke from the fridge and sat down with her at the table.

"Hey, so we have to talk?"

"Yeah. Um, okay, so you and Lexie are serious?"

"I guess. I mean We're dating, yeah." There was an awkward silence over the room, they both took a drink of soda.

"So you had a good day off?"

"Mer, spit it out. I know what you're doing. I can handle whatever crappy news you want to tell me."

"You sure you want to hear it?"

"Well, I'll find out anyways. Mer, is everything okay?"

"Okay," Meredith took a deep break. "Izzie is here… at the hospital. She relapsed. It's not too bad, but we're talking a good amount of chemo and surgery. She wants to decide the treatment plan soon, and she didn't want me to tell you anything. But she's just nervous. I can tell."

Silence engulfed the kitchen. Meredith looked at Alex, concerned. Alex looked at Meredith, in total disbelief. Lexie now stood at the door with inquisitive eyes. It seemed like the moment the last "l" in tell rolled off Meredith's lips, the world stopped spinning, waiting for Alex's response.

"Why?" He finally said. Alex looked frozen. Angry look on his face, gripping the can of coke so hard it looked like it would explode.

"What do you mean?"

"Why? Why did she come here?"

"I don't know. I think she wanted to make up with you." Meredith inferred, her voice growing smaller and smaller every word she spoke.

"Well, you can tell Izzie good luck with your treatment, when she left she obviously wanted to be alone." Alex got up from the table, roughly pushed in his chair, traded his coke for a beer, and went upstairs. Meredith also thought she heard the door slam.

**If anyone has suggestions, please comment!! I'm totally open to what people want to see happen!! **

**Thanks,**

**Colette :)**


	3. Chapter 3

Izzie Stevens casually flipped through a magazine that was previously left in her hospital room. Sure, the cancer had come back. But not as bad as the first time. And Meredith was going to talk to Alex! Secretly, Izzie was pretty freaking excited that Alex _might _come here and talk! Heck, maybe they would even get back together eventually!

Looking at the weeks best and worst dressed, Izzie tried to contain her excitement, realizing that Meredith had been gone for a while. But she just couldn't. Ever since she left, Izzie missed Alex like crazy. Every day, hope she'd wake up next to him, back in the trailer, and she'd still have her job.

But that wasn't the case. She was in a hospital bed, alone, jobless. Now nearing the end of the magazine, reality caught up to Izzie, and her excitement faded. _What if Alex says no? What if he doesn't care? God, this is all my fault. _She was lonely, but she was the one who left.

After dragging out reading the final magazine interview to kill time, Izzie heard a knock on the door.

"Meredith?" asked, getting ready to hide under the covers if it was anyone else. The door turned open, revealing Bailey. "Oh, thank God, I thought you were Cristina."

"No, no, just me. Where'd Grey go?"

"Home. To talk to Alex"

"Really? Have you seen him yet?"

Izzie sighed. "No, It was his day off. I'm kind of nervous about what he's going to say."

"Izzie, he'll come around. If he doesn't at first, don't blame him though, he's been through hell. Did you know he has a brother?"

"What! No, I didn't!"

"Yep, Aaron came in a few weeks ago, umbilical hernia. Apparently, he has a sister, too, Amber. He said that they were in foster care, mostly Alex though."

"Wow. He… he never said anything." Izzie took in all the new information. _Why didn't Meredith mention this when we were talking? _She knew Alex had a crappy childhood, but he never mentioned that he was a foster child! A wave of sympathy passed through her body.

"I know. He even went to juvie for a while."

"Oh my God what! Okay, obviously we didn't talk when we _were_ married!" Poor Alex. How did he wind up with such a lousy family. Now that she thought of it, it was pretty amazing that he even made it through med school.

"Izzie, none of us knew any of this. He didn't want any of us to know. Please, don't make a big deal of it, we really haven't brought it up completely." Bailey said sympathetically, but seriously. Izzie made a mental note not to bring anything up.

After a long, awkward pause, she said, "So um, what else have I been missing around here? It feels like I never was really here…" Izzie's voice choked off at the last few words.

"Well, for the record, it was_ never _like you weren't here. So, I'm sure Meredith filled you in on the gossip, so I'll skip over that. Um, there was a HUGE hotel fire, and Kepner forgot to check airways on this lady who had severe smoke inhalation…"

"Wait did you say she forgot to check airways!"

"Stupid, right? Well, not my intern, not my mistake. Anyways, the poor thing died, all the doctors worked on her, and nobody knew why she died, or who her doctor was, so the chief launched an investigation."

"What do you mean "investigation?" Izzie chuckled

"Well, everyone got called into a room with him, Larry Jennings, and someone from h&r, and they questioned people until they got to the bottom of it. And I think that may have been the night you called…"

"Yeah. Okay, well now I know why he hung up at least."

"Exactly. And, I'm pretty sure the day you came back with your mentor was Teddy Altman's first day. She's cardio, and she went to Iraq with Owen, so theirs a little love - triangle going on there." Bailey rolled her eyes and Izzie snickered.

"Meredith must have covered Sloan's daughter, we had a lecture ceremony, me, Derek, and Callie all spoke about patients we had. Oh! Avery's Harper Avery's grandson! He came in, and he's apparently allergic to some kind of sutures, I can't remember."

"Whoa, I missed Harper Avery!" Izzie exclaimed.

"Yeah, I have a feeling nobody at Seattle Grace is getting a Harper Avery for a long time." Bailey laughed.

"Let me guess, Cristina?" Izzie started to ask, but Meredith knocked on the door twice then came in. "Mer! You're back! How'd it go?"

She couldn't do it. Not with Izzie's eager puppy dog eyes staring up at her like that. Meredith couldn't bear to tell her that Alex didn't even want to see her, or even talk. And she certainly couldn't tell her that Lexie was there with him.

She tried to put on her best happy face and made up the best lie she could think up.

"Um, he wasn't home, but I'll talk to him tomorrow at work ,okay?"

"Oh… Okay." Izzie hung her head, looking defeated. If she was upset that he wasn't home, Meredith wondered how she's react to him not caring.

"Um, just don't get your hopes up Iz, it's been a while, ok?"

"Alright, and Mer? Since I have no definite surgeries planned, can I get some food? I'm starving!"

"Okay, sure I'll go, ok? Um, I'm just wondering, do you want me to tell anyone else, like Cristina that you're here? They will find out you know Iz." Meredith wanted to get all the awkwardness over with so the four could all just be normal, but that would take a while.

"Can we just wait until Alex knows? I'd feel like he'd feel hurt if he found out last, you know? And oh! Do they still have those scrambled eggs here? Those were decent." Izzie said, sounding a bit like her old self, and a bit too optimistic for Meredith's likings.

"Um, fine. And yeah, they do. Drink?" _Great. Should I tell Cristina anyways? _

"Hmm, I'll have some coffee. Make it a full breakfast - for - dinner!" She squealed. "And I hate to be a pain Mer, but can I get a new magazine? This one is like, 3 months old!"

Meredith nodded and put on her best fake smile. She closed the door behind her, and set off to find Cristina, who she was pretty sure was still angry with her.

~`0oo0'~

Meredith was now nearing the elevator when she spotted Cristina.

"Hey," she said, trying to sound nice.

"Oh so you finally want to tell me what was so important?" Cristina snapped back. She was in a bad mood to begin with from Meredith's little runaway earlier, but to make things worse, her post op just died and Teddy was totally blaming her.

"Yeah, but not here." Meredith scanned the inside of the now present elevator, saw it was empty, and pulled her inside. "Izzie's here."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N : Hey everybody! I just wanted to thank you for all the positive reviews and support! This chapter is a long one, but it was fun to write! If anyone has any suggestions of how the story should go I'd be more than happy to take suggestions! I have a general idea but could use some help! Thanks, Colette ****J**

"Izzie's here, and the cancers back, and Alex wont talk to her. Okay, I know why you were acting so weird now. You cant keep a secret for your life." Cristina said casually, biting down on the banana she had just bought at the cafeteria. The two girls were now walking back up to Izzie's room, with their big tray of breakfast. It was a bit off looking for a pair of doctors to be walking around with a pile of food, but it was even stranger for two doctors to be wandering around with a full tray of breakfast at 7:55 at night.

"Yeah, sorry I couldn't tell you earlier, she swore me to secrecy." Meredith replied, snaking on a bag of potato chips she had bought.

"Whatever, you know, I just feel kind of bad, I mean after all the crazy treatments and George and then getting fired Izzie wound up here again." Cristina said as they hopped on the elevator.

"Yeah I know what you mean. I am still a little pissed that she left, but to top everything off her mom just died. Whatever, there's no use in being a jerk, she's here and she has at least 6 months worth of surgery and treatment." Meredith replied. Sure, they could be mad all they wanted, but it wouldn't solve anything.

" Wow. But I guess your right. We cant stay mad forever."

"I wish Alex had said that." Meredith answered, and the two girls were at Izzie's door. "Be nice." she warned, and Cristina nodded in agreement. She knocked twice, like they'd agreed on, and peeked her head through the door.

"Iz? I hope you don't mind, I brought someone to see you." she said. Izzie, who had nodded off, woke up again. "Oh! Sorry to wake you up! I so would have let you sleep!"

"No, no its okay. And that's fine. Wait its not Callie is it?"

"No, just me!" Cristina said from outside. The three of them laughed for a second and then the girls came in.

"Yum food! Ooh that coffee smells so good." Izzie said, thanking Meredith for the tray of food.

" Hey, when did Swinder say she was coming back?" Meredith asked, her mouth full of chips.

"Um she just said she'd give me time. Whatever, surgery can wait, I'm hungry!" The three dug into their meals, Izzie remembering how horrible the hospital food was, Meredith wishing she'd gotten a second bag of chips, and Cristina thinking of what kind of suture she should do the banana peel when she finished. It was a bit like old times.

" Okay, its quiet in here. What kind of girly soaps are on, Iz?" Cristina said with mouth full of banana.

Izzie swallowed a chunk of scrambled eggs and said, " None, but there are Lost reruns on!" She clicked on the old television and sure enough, Lost was on, an episode about midway through season 3.

"Seriously? I hated this show from the start, it was too complicated." Meredith sighed. She hated to admit that she had the hardest time understanding it, and every single one of her predictions for the first two seasons she watched were wrong.

"Oh I didn't mind it, I just couldn't understand anything cause I watched like, one episode a month." Cristina announced.

"Me too! But I watched reruns on my computer. Alex watched it sometimes, too." Izzie said, choking on Alex's name.

_Oh crap, _Meredith thought. She desperately wanted to avoid any conversations about Alex. Especially the one she'd eventually have to have. She'd only managed to buy herself a day to think of another excuse, but she could only have so much time.

The three sat in silence, Sawyers voice in the background, the only other noise was Meredith's loud chewing of potato chips. Even the television became silent eventually. Unexpectedly, they heard a blaring " SON OF A BITCH!" come from the tiny TV.

First, Izzie began to snicker. She was always the first to laugh when something was funny. George always used to torture her for cracking up at inappropriate moments. Soon, she was hysterically laughing. Yeah, she probably said "bitch" every day, but Izzie just needed something to laugh about.

She looked across the room, only to find Cristina looking at her, a smile spread across her face, and Meredith with her face in her hands. To be honest, Meredith had rarely heard Sawyer's "catch phrase" before, and she found it hilarious with his accent.

Cristina was laughing at the two of them. Sure, it was funny, like the first time she heard it, but the others were in hysterics, and she couldn't help at laughing at how ridiculous they looked.

The three laughed for a few more minutes, until it finally died down. Izzie pushed the tray away from her bed. Cristina reached in her pockets for a suture kit and Meredith crinkled up her bag of chips.

Izzie, who was still smiling, said, "I cant believe I'm back here." she tugged at her IV line. "I thought I was done," she sighed. A few silent tears escaped her eyes.

"Iz, its okay. You'll be fine." Meredith walked over to her and rubbed her back. "It'll be okay." Cristina looked from across the room looking concerned.

"No, no it wont. It's not gonna be fine!" Izzie cried, the tears streaming down her cheeks no matter how hard she tried to stop them. Meredith didn't know what to say, and she didn't know what this burst of emotion was coming from. All she could do was stay with Izzie until she rode it out.

After a few minutes, Izzie wiped the tears from her eyes and Meredith held her hand. "It's okay, I'm okay." Izzie said shakily. Meredith smiled at her the best she could and so did Cristina.

But their moment was interrupted by Derek knocking and entering. All their heads whipped over to the door.

"Izzie, can we talk?" he asked, very seriously.

"Um can Meredith stay? She's kind of been helping me make all these decisions." Izzie asked unsurely.

"Sure, anything that helps. " Derek smiled, then looked over at Cristina, who's eyes were still glued to Lost.

"Oh, me? I'll uh, go throw theses trays out. Nice to see you, Izzie." she motioned to the door, grabbed all the food wrappers and left.

~`0oo0'~

"Izzie, as your doctor, I'd highly recommend you get this surgery. I know it didn't go as we planned the first time, but the tumors are in a better area this time, and there are much fewer risks."

Izzie took a minute to process the thought. He was right. She saw the scans, the tumors were in a better location for surgery. Meredith looked at her with understanding eyes. It was almost nine at night and Izzie had a rough and extremely busy day. Of course Meredith would support anything she wanted to do, not just because Derek was her husband.

"Um, Derek, I think that I do want to have the surgery, but I really don't want to make any decisions until I talk to Alex. I mean were still married, and it couldn't hurt to have another doctors prospective."

Meredith got goose bumps at the thought of Izzie wanting Alex.

"Iz, I hate to say anything but wouldn't it be good to make your own decision? In case Alex doesn't agree?" she tried to contradict her.

" Uh, I guess. Well either way, I'm leaning towards the surgery. Thank you Derek." Izzie said. She wanted to just do it. But she wanted to talk to Alex. _One less thing to bother him about, _she thought.

"Ok, good. And Izzie? Don't get me wrong, there are still risks of significant bleeding, memory loss like last time, post op infection, increased fluid in the skull and swelling. I'm just saying that the surgery will be a little more routine than last time." Derek said very seriously.

"Oh yeah, I figured." she replied nodding her head.

"Alright well, I will talk to Dr. Swinder tomorrow and we will start pre op antibiotics first thing in the morning." he smiled his crooked smile. "Meredith I'm leaving in a half hour, you coming?" She looked at Izzie for an answer.

"I'll be fine here, Mer. Plus, I have my phone and some magazines, I'll be fine for hours." she smiled at Meredith.

"Okay, I'm going to change. Good night, Iz." Meredith waved and so did Derek.

"Alright, see you guys in the morning." Izzie said. After they left, Izzie turned back on her TV, pulled her blankets over her shoulders and fell asleep. Today was a very, very busy and all Izzie could do was sleep, and dream of Alex.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hi everyone! I am sooo very sorry for the huge gap between my updates! I just got out of school :) ****and now I'm on a tornado chasing tour and it lasts for 3 MONTHS! !I will still be writing and hopefully a bit more regularly, now that I have my laptop again and I hope I can get these updates out a bit faster. Thanks everyone for reading and keep the reviews coming!**

It took a few days to get a full workup done, a PET scan, extensive blood work, getting a central line, and lots and lots of questions. Thank God Izzie had Meredith with her, she rarely left unless it was to go home. But despite Meredith's frequent promises, Alex never came the next day, or the next, or the next. Now, it was Friday, and Derek and Dr. Swender were discussing a treatment plan.

They met in conference room 7, but they didn't know Meredith was eavesdropping for Izzie on the other side of the door.

"Morning, Shepherd." Dr. Swender said, extending her hand to him.

"Good morning to you, too." Derek shook her hand and they sat down across from each other at the table.

"Okay, lets review the old data, then we'll factor in the new scans." Dr. Swender started, "So, last spring, Izzie was declared cancer-free. And we determined that any remaining tissues on the scans were just scar tissue." she got up and posted the old scans on the light board.

"But now… we have these." Derek handed her the new scans, and she tacked them up next to the old ones.

"Wow." Dr. Swender stepped back and compared the scans. There were a considerable amount of new mets on the scans.

"Okay so…" Derek got up with his sharpie, " Were talking brain, "he circled the two mets, "liver again, colon, and small bowel."

"Well the only new spot is the colon, it isn't in the bone marrow, and there aren't nearly as many mets as before, I think we should start with the IL-2 again. And if that fails, we can operate."

"But we should be aggressive, and operate first. Then do a few courses of IL-2 to wipe it out completely. And I'd also heard about an antibody therapy that was good for cleaning up after the IL-2."

"Well, we have two plans now, so we ask Izzie which she would prefer." Swender summarized. "We should page Dr. Bailey here to fill her in. She was on the case originally."

"Alright. We'll talk to Stevens tomorrow." Derek concluded. Once Meredith heard the conversation wrap up, she thought she should probably run, getting caught would be so embarrassing. Just as she was walking up the hallway, she ran into Alex. Since they had talked, Alex had been avoiding her around the house, at work, and Joe's. But he was also avoiding the whole oncology floor as well as any MRI, CT, or PET scans unless it was totally necessary.

"Alex!" she flagged him over, but he kept walking. "Hey!" she called again.

"What do you want?" he asked, picking up charts at the nurses station.

"Can we talk?" she asked.

"Look, if it's about Izzie, then I'm done. I already told you. She left, it was her choice." he turned to her, looking her straight in the eye, asking her to stop.

"Alex, she thinks your gonna come through the door of her room any second. She's freaking watching the door. And Swender and Derek are talking lots of surgery. So at least go see her. Make an appearance. Because if she asks me one more time when you said you'd be coming, then I will personally make sure that she calls you every five minutes."

"Meredith… I'm done. It's her own fault I don't want to see her either. Yeah, I sent her away, only because I knew she'd disappear again."

"Think about it. And for the record, I don't think she would have disappeared again." Meredith left him with that thought, and walked back up to oncology. She entered Izzie's room, only to find her chatting with a very young nurse, Kayla her name was.

"But I knew he couldn't _really _sing. Like, I never even saw him in concert before and I knew he lip-synced already!" Kayla raved, and Meredith smiled.

"Okay, thanks! Note to self, sell the Jason Derulo tickets as soon as I get my hands on my laptop!" Izzie exclaimed and the two girls giggled, then Izzie saw Meredith entering the room.

"Be back in a few with those chips, Izzie." Kayla waved and left.

"Jason Derulo? Seriously?" Meredith laughed.

"Yeah, me and my friend back home got tickets on a radio show, but Kayla just told me he sucked, so not anymore!" Izzie laughed, then she asked, "so how did Derek and Swender's conference go?"

"Okay, you get to pick, surgery, then IL-2 and a new antibody thing, or IL-2 then surgery. And Bailey will be on your case."

"Crap. I hated IL-2, but I need to look into that antibody thing. I mean I heard they used it in Peds, but not for melanoma."

"Swender knows what she's talking about. I mean if I were you, I'd just go with surgery first. Plus, Derek said he could get clean margins on the mets in your brain." Meredith encouraged.

"To be honest, I don't want to make a decision until I talk to Alex. We're not married, but it's a big deal."

"Okay, well I will tell him." Meredith said. Before she could say anything else, Cristina came barging into the room, with 3 bags of chips in her arms.

She looked at Meredith, "Good, you're here too." she threw a bag of chips at her, then turned to Izzie, "Kayla gave these to me. Here," she threw Izzie a bag.

"What's wrong with you?" Meredith asked, crunching on a potato chip.

"Owen. He said he chose me. Then why doesn't he say anything when Teddy _flirts _with him!" she ripped the bag of chips open violently.

"Teddy still flirts with him." Meredith rolled her eyes.

"I really need to know what this chick looks like!" Izzie exclaimed.

"Blonde." Meredith and Cristina said at the same time.

"Oh, is she manly? With that name she has to be." Izzie said.

"Nope, and she's acting like a whore. And Mark is back with Lexie so she's lonely." Cristina smiled at the thought.

"Oh, their back together! Mer, why didn't you tell me!" Izzie looked at her.

"Sorry, but I probably here as much gossip as you now!"

"Oh right. Well, tell say something to Teddy! Or at least make her come up here so I can see what she looks like!" Cristina was about to answer Izzie when her pager went off.

"Speak of the devil…" she said, hopping up with her chips, "see you guys later." and she exited the room.

"Alright, Iz, I have my work hours cut down, I'm not off. I'm just gonna do post-op's, I'll be back in a few hours. Remember…" Meredith was about to say, but Izzie cut her off.

"Page me if you need anything, I know, go work Meredith!" she shooed her off. Now she had alone time, Izzie planned to catch up on some sleep. About two hours went by, and Izzie napped. But she woke up with a weird headache. She only felt it when she tilted her head, and she was very dizzy.

Feeling nauseous, Izzie got up quickly made her way to the bathroom in her room, without paging Kayla like she should have. But as soon as she got up, Izzie fainted, and began convulsing.

~`0oo0`~

That morning, after he talked to Meredith, Alex remained at the nurses station, thinking about what she said. Yeah, Izzie left first. She left him a note. One. Freaking. Note. And then she was gone. Then she had the _nerve_ not to return his, Meredith's, or Cristina's calls. But even worse, she came back, expecting forgiveness! But deep down, he wasn't done with Izzie, like he said so many times before. He felt bad for her. He couldn't say that he would have ran, done the same thing, but deep down, Alex _understood _her. More than anything, he wanted to forgive her, but it wouldn't be that easy. _She left you, _he thought.

"Karev!" Dr. Bailey yelled from somewhere down the hall, bringing Alex back to reality.

"Um, yes, Dr. Bailey?" he said, attempting go look like he was working.

"I need you to take over the code team for the rest of the day, Dr. Gilbert had to leave early." she said, a group of interns following behind her.

"Okay… but why me? I'm not even a senior resident. Why don't you do it?" he asked.

"Because, you're the only doctor I could find that's available and I have an um…. special case today. Just go with it Karev." she said, handing him a pager.

"Fine." he grumbled, then turned to the interns. "Alright, lets move."

The morning went smoothly, there wasn't much to be done, but they hadn't lost any patients, that was a plus. The afternoon however, wasn't as easy of a ride. It started with them getting interrupted during lunch with of course, another code patient. They weren't able to revive him, and that lowered the spirits of the interns.

Next, they were paged to Peds, a little girl had flat-lined in recovery. They couldn't save her either, so the team was a bit down. But now, the group was taking a break. The pages had slowed down to a halt. Feeling a bit generous, Alex decided to let the interns go get a coffee. But as they were leaving, they were all paged up to oncology 1377.

_It could be anyone,_ Alex thought to himself as the team followed him down the hall. But as one intern grabbed the crash cart from it's location in the hall the sick feeling in Alex's stomach intensified. _It's her. Who else would it be? _

As the team reached door 1377, Alex and the team burst through the door, to find Izzie, not only unconscious, but seizing on the floor of her room.

"Get the anti-consultant!" Alex ordered the intern with the crash cart. The nervous intern stumbled around the cart, the others not sure what to do. "For God's sake…" Alex mumbled and grabbed the medication from the cabinet in the room.

Quickly, he made his way over to Izzie, injected the drug into her central line, and Izzie came out of her seizure.

~`0oo0`~

She obviously died. Or fell asleep. Because if she was alive, she would certainly not be laying in Alex's arms. Or someone who looked like Alex. As her vision slowly returned, she gasped. It _was_ Alex!

"Iz? Hey, can you hear me? Izzie?" he said nervously when all she did was stare at him.

"Hm? W…..what hap-pened?" she asked, trying to stand up, but she felt like she couldn't control her legs.

"You had a seizure." he said, " Here, let's get you back into bed, I'll page Shepherd."

"Okay." Izzie said awkwardly as Alex helped her crawl back into the hospital bed.

"You," Alex pointed to an intern that hadn't done much all day, "Update her chart. The rest of you go put the crash cart back together." Then he turned to Izzie. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, you?" she asked, not sure

"Fine." he said, looking at her. She looked better. Much better than the last time he saw her. Her hair was longer, past her shoulders. Her face was more full and she didn't look as skinny as before. She looked like Izzie again.

"Wait! Bl….blood," Izzie struggled to say, lowering her hand from her head to reveal a small gash. She must have gotten it when she fell.

Just then, Shepherd came in through the doors.

"Dr. Gilbert, wait, Karev? I got a page from Gilbert." he said confused.

"Dr. Gilbert had to leave, and I took over the code team." Alex answered.

"Okay, page Swender and Bailey, I want to order a CT and EEG, too." he said, moving over to Izzie. "How do you feel, Izzie? Any headache? That cut on your head looks fine, I don't think it needs stitches."

"Yeah, I h…had a headache. I'm t…t… tired," Izzie managed, but Derek understood what she meant.

"Alright, sleep it off. I'll be back in an hour to take you to CT, Karev, update Swinder, Bailey, and the nurse on the case." he said, and exited the room. Right then, Dr. Gilbert's pager sounded.

"Uh, I guess that's me." Alex said, then looked up at Izzie.

"B…bye," she smiled and waved. But instead of a "Bye" or a "Good luck with your scans", Alex just walked straight out of the room.

"J…jerk" she muttered, before falling to sleep.

~`0oo0'~

After the new CT scans, the three doctors suspicions were confirmed.

"She's been having frontal lobe seizures." Derek said, " We need to operate soon, I don't want there to be any side effects."

"Well, we could at least wait until Izzie decides tomorrow morning. She need to rest. Is her husband coming? I remember him from last time…" Dr. Swender started but Bailey cut her off.

"They got a divorce," Bailey said quickly.

"Oh, that's um… too bad," Swender said, "Okay, so tomorrow morning…"she said, and Derek and Bailey nodded.

~`0oo0'~

** A/N 2: O****kay, I hoped you liked the update, I'm not so sure I like this chapter, and again, I'm SO SORRY I haven't updated in a while, this chapter was SOOOOO hard to write! Colette **


End file.
